- Sun May 07, 2017 3:49:36 pm
#2715
Soooooooooo ok. Fk fk fk fk fk fk fk.
I'm wigging out a little bit because, in the wake of last episode's fiasco, I feel like a target. I won immunity by too much, betrayed the leader of the opposite alliance, and I'm pretty sure I'm suspected for having at least one idol. Like... they probably will go after Tai before me (maybe??), but I need to WORK.
I'm mostly anxious BECAUSE NO ONE IS TALKING TO ME. Nick is barely replying, and that's the most concerning. One of three things is happening (or maybe two of these):
1. I'm being targeted and no one is talking to me because why would they.
2. I'm being smoked out - not ACTUALLY targeted, but they want to make me afraid enough to flush out an idol.
3. Everyone is just quiet.
So which is it????? Based on last vote, it's 3. That night was so frightening because it felt like no one was talking, even an hour before TC. Maybe that's just because it was the first tribal, but.... maybe this is just a quiet crowd.
I've been trying to wrap my head around WHICH IT IS. How do I save myself? Should I try to save my crew? Is being on Nick's bad side really the kiss of death?
Word around camp is that Nick isn't even mad at the rest of us, only at Tai for making up shit. Which I do believe, but he may be equally as angry with me. Idk. I can't believe Nick is in control with this right now, but it really seems like he's the only one with a malicious opinion (justifiably, we tried to boot him). So... yeah, he has an opinion, he has control.
So......... here are some options. Bear with me as I write out these pro/con lists.
Suck up to Nick. Say something like "I will literally do anything to restore our relationship. I want to work with you. Tell me who to vote for and I'll do it. It can be Julia, Tai, or Jeff Freaking Probst. I will write anything for this vote. I have something to prove to you and I intend to do that tonight. You and me, period. Just please don't let me go home tonight, I'm so scared." That last part is crucial, in case they're smoking out my idols. PRO: I show that I'm with him and MAYBE will get me in with that alliance (maybe... I did something similar in a previous game and it got me booted). If I go any LESS severe than this, it will likely come off as insincere and make me super untrustworthy. If I succeed in seeming desperate, I won't be an idol threat anymore. CON: will probably have to vote for Julia or Tai. Will put me on the bottom of both alliances (but what are alliances even... they seem so fluid that this isn't much of a concern for me). Will make me entirely vulnerable to Nick's will - he could easily vote me out right then and there (and may, based on his possibly passive aggressive responses... and idk if anyone over there would speak up to save me). Could get back to my crew but I think all of us have to do what it takes to survive right now.
Say I'll do that, but actually not. PRO: ................... nothing. CON: this is a terrible idea... Would just make me even more untrustworthy, would buy me one vote off at best.
Scramble hard purely to save myself. Beg Andrea and Steve to save me. PRO: would really drive home that I am idol-less - the more I scramble, the better. CON: may (probably will) get back to my crew and would make them come at me.
COMPROMISE: beg them to save me but don't offer them my vote.
Scramble hard to sway people to our side. Try to sway Andrea, Steve, and Morgan to vote out...??? Whoever they want. This just seems too risky right now, when my position is soooo precarious. If someone else wants to sway them, they can do that. I need to suck up to Nick. PRO: Could take control of this game. CON: Doesn't actually seem likely, both of them were like "I'm gonna stay in this alliance but look out for you." Would make me a major shit stirrer.
Okay, so... it... seems... like... AUGH, I hate this, but I think my only option is to offer my vote to Nick to show I'm loyal (PROBABLY WON'T EVEN WORK BUT TWO IDOLS CAN'T SAVE ME WITHOUT HIS TRUST), and to hit up the others to please please please save my ass.
Use Detwah idol on myself. I am super super super sketched out by the radio silence of everyone. SUPER. If I use an idol on myself tonight after offering my vulnerability to the other side... PRO: SAFE, OBVIOUSLY. CON: No protection going forward. Show I don't really trust Nick and need more protection (DEFEATS THE WHOLE PURPOSE). Can't use idol fear going forward. Seem sneaky cuz I didn't tell anyone.
Fk, so... yes, using an idol to save myself WOULD SAVE MYSELF. But it would not get me in any better with anyone in this game. It would make everyone MORE suspicious of me, and I'd just get booted next. I really believe that. And even if I used ANOTHER idol next time, I still would just be next off... I don't have the votes. Assuming my peo I need to survive this tribal without using idols. It seems crazy short term, but I cannot survive long term in this game without keeping them hidden a little longer.
Give Tai Aomak idol. PRO: Save him, and if he shuts the hell up I can completely be free of blame... it's probably going to be him tonight. CON: Where the fuck is Tai, can I even trust him, who is he, what's true and what's fake. I thought I could trust him, but he's just not around to assuage me right now. I know he's busy, but with all the "I can't believe Tai would make all that up" going around... I just can't give him the idol. I can't. I need that for myself, after all this. If he comes online with a plan, I may change my mind.
Oh my God, okay. Here we go. THIS IS SO SO RISKY BUT IT'S HOW IT HAS TO BE. This is the equivalent of my mom Ciera drawing rocks at 6. I can use idols to save myself now, but that will put a target on me. If I want to win, NOT JUST GET FARTHER, I need to take this risk and keep my idols close.
Julia is very confident we don't even need to scramble. It's Tai, no two ways about it. But I think I need to make that extra leap and reach out to Nick. They could theoretically split it on Tai and me... and Tai COULD have the Hadiboh idol. Though if he had it I could just use mine (unless he waited until the last second to post it specifically to avoid that which HOPEFULLY THE HOSTS WOULD LET ME PLAY IT AT 5 MINS 2 SECONDS PAST THE MINUTE IF THAT WAS THE CASE. So I need to get in good with Nick right now. I nEED to to survive the next few votes. Even if I vote for Julia....
FUCK this is a rough one. But I'm gonna make it work. I will suck up to Nick, and ONLY use an idol (THE DETWAH ONE) if Tai uses one. PERIOD.