[Lindsey]

- Sun May 21, 2017 10:44:15 pm #6852

Ahh, this question is such a nice change of pace for this tribal, thank you. I actually had to "survive", as cliche as that is. My moves were riskier than Aubry's and LJ's. I had a bigger target on my back for this whole game and had my name down at almost every tribal. I didn't just sit comfortably and rely on a majority, I was always playing this game harder than anyone else even with everything against me. I am the textbook definition of a survivor.

Thank you, I respect that answer.

[LJ]

- Sun May 21, 2017 10:47:19 pm #6862 You know to be honest, I came into this not knowing if it was even possible to communicate my game to the jury well enough to win their votes. I know what I did out there but it’s totally fair to say that they DIDN’T. And that’s on me. I should have been a little more social. I dialed it back a TOUCH too far and I have some ground to make up here because of it.

Could I have gone into more detail about each and every round and AGONIZE over every little thing I said or did to affect the outcome? Of course, but I don’t think that’s who I am and I apologize if that’s what any of you wanted from me.

I’m just trying to be real with everyone about what I did and why I did it. Did I intentionally play in a way that isn’t seen as a winning game? Yeah at times. Can I point to a bunch of things and say “that was me!” Maybe not. But if I could I wouldn’t be sitting here, you know? That’s always been my Survivor philosophy. Get to the end. Get to the end. Get to the end.

So what can I do?

I can point to a bunch of times down the final stretch of this game where I made the right call on what would put my butt in this seat. I hope I’ve done that so far. That would be the one thing I want the jury to remember. In crunch time, your boy LJ came through. Did I have a rough first half? Does it matter? No. What matters is the final score.

All I can do is put that out there and let the chips fall where they may.

I think I deserve to win over the other two because while we all played similar games, I think I did it with the most finesse. I’m not a brute force Survivor player. I slide in gracefully. Aubry and Tai broke a dish or two on the way here.

I never would have voted for you. I was worried it would come down to me or you after the swap and I was DREADING that scenario.

THANK YOU

[Jeff Probst]

- Sun May 21, 2017 10:54:36 pm #6884 Alright, I don't want to keep the jury waiting too long.

So without further adieu, everyone's Jewish Qween: Andrea.

[Nick]

- Sun May 21, 2017 10:56:54 pm #6891

Alright, I don't want to keep the jury waiting too long.

So without further adieu, everyone's Jewish Qween: Andrea.

Andrea Fan Favorite confirmed

[Lindsey]

- Sun May 21, 2017 10:57:28 pm #6893

You know to be honest, I came into this not knowing if it was even possible to communicate my game to the jury well enough to win their votes. I know what I did out there but it’s totally fair to say that they DIDN’T. And that’s on me. I should have been a little more social. I dialed it back a TOUCH too far and I have some ground to make up here because of it.

Could I have gone into more detail about each and every round and AGONIZE over every little thing I said or did to affect the outcome? Of course, but I don’t think that’s who I am and I apologize if that’s what any of you wanted from me.

I’m just trying to be real with everyone about what I did and why I did it. Did I intentionally play in a way that isn’t seen as a winning game? Yeah at times. Can I point to a bunch of things and say “that was me!” Maybe not. But if I could I wouldn’t be sitting here, you know? That’s always been my Survivor philosophy. Get to the end. Get to the end. Get to the end.

So what can I do?

I can point to a bunch of times down the final stretch of this game where I made the right call on what would put my butt in this seat. I hope I’ve done that so far. That would be the one thing I want the jury to remember. In crunch time, your boy LJ came through. Did I have a rough first half? Does it matter? No. What matters is the final score.

All I can do is put that out there and let the chips fall where they may.

I think I deserve to win over the other two because while we all played similar games, I think I did it with the most finesse. I’m not a brute force Survivor player. I slide in gracefully. Aubry and Tai broke a dish or two on the way here.

I never would have voted for you. I was worried it would come down to me or you after the swap and I was DREADING that scenario.

THANK YOU

Thank YOU, for being my #1 from Day 1. I would be voting for you regardless of your response, but knowing you didn't have intentions to backstab me is nice. Not that I would have blamed you, I have a few confessionals pondering whether or not I would need to get you out to beat you at the end. But, I still wouldn't have

GG, GL

[Andrea]

- Sun May 21, 2017 10:58:01 pm #6896

Hi all :) Great job getting here.

I already know who I'm voting for, so I just have a few things for everyone to think about, if they like.

Aubry: Girl, I love you, but RIP your spreadsheets, I mean...in what universe does Steve go to the end and I don't vote for him? That says to me that you didn't get how close we were, and that this "I knew everything that was going on the whole time!" thing is not really working out.

LJ: nothing for you, babe, which you should not read into. I think you're swell.

And Tai. I have a story for you.

When I was thirteen, I was part of a big forum that was in general a very safe and positive place. There was one girl there, one of the mods, who I could not stand. I thought she was preachy, full of herself, and generally annoying. So me and a few of my friends started this small, password-protected forum whose entire purpose was to talk shit about this girl. We called her names. We made up rumors about her to entertain ourselves. We were brutal, because she was never going to find out, right?

Someone ended up telling her the password, because that's what always happens, so of course she found out. And I was so busy being mad that someone had told her and mad that I was banned from the big forum and just mad about everything that I didn't really think about how she was affected by all of this. And why would I? She wasn't a real person to me. She wasn't someone with a mental illness that I was playing Russian roulette with. She was a cluster of annoying words behind a screen.

And then I found out that because of the things I had said about that girl, she tried to kill herself. And it took THAT, it took someone trying to die because of me, for me to realize that the things I said to and about people on the internet were things that I was saying to and about real people. And since then, the fact that people you cannot see are still people has been really my guiding light for how I talk to people online.

Last year, after the election, I tweeted something that got picked up by 4chan and a couple subreddits and led to me dealing with literally thousands of people in my mentions for the next few days, calling me a bitch, a cunt, sending me death threats, sending me Holocaust memes (my tweet had nothing to do with being Jewish, I just have a traditionally Jewish last name), telling me they hoped I killed myself. And what I thought while that was happening was that the vast majority of these people would not be saying these things if they had to look at me, if they had a concept of me as a real human. Not because they would have agreed with me or liked me any more or anything like that. Just because I am a person and they are people, and it is a lot easier to be cruel from behind a keyboard.

Tai, I'm not saying that the things you said about Nick were in any way on par with what those people said to me. I'm not even saying they were on par with what I said about that girl when I was thirteen. What I am saying, not only to you, but to several members of the jury, and to several people who went out before the jury, is that I don't want someone to have to try to kill themselves before you understand that the things you say online have consequences. They have impact. You could really hurt someone.

I know I'm no saint. Lord knows I made fun of Garrett's last words as much as anyone. But to me, there is a line between insulting someone's gameplay and insulting someone as a person, and it's a line that you crossed. And it's a really, really important line to me.

So what do I do? How do I consider giving my vote to someone who broke a really crucial personal rule for me? I thought about it, and here's my question.

How is somebody in this game's life a little better because they knew you? To counteract the damage you did with the way you talked about Nick, what is a way you talked to someone, anyone, and made their actual life as an actual person a little less shitty than it was before they met you? What is your net positive in this game?

And if you choose to argue with me about any of this instead so help me God.

Aubry and LJ, I'd love to hear your answers to this as well, if you like, but you're in no way obligated.

[Aubry]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:00:03 pm #6903

Aubry: On paper, you've played the "best game". You've flipped on many people to get yourself to the end, you've been selfish and selfless at the right times, you've found two idols, you've won challenges. Yet, this isn't a clear sweep, and I hope you prepared yourself for that. My question is-- why did you decide to get me out before Andrea? Do you think your footprint is deep enough for the jury to take notice and respect? While I feel like you possess each quality that's needed to win this game- social, physical, strategic- by being wishy washy and not forcefully planting your name deeply rooted into this game, I think you fall shortsighted on your lack of self-awareness. While I commend the game you played (and the amount of effort and dedication it took to eloquently convince us your game beats the other two in your FTC speech) your current attitude seems overly-confident. During the game, you came off to me as VERY unsure of your gameplay: untrustworthy, nervous, anxious, unaware, and oblivious. Were you purposely acting that way towards me to throw me off course, or were you being genuine with your uneasiness about the votes/majority? Thanks, and good game girl. <3

Thank you so much girl!!! I have prepared for a non-clean sweep, no doubt! I wanted to get you out before Andrea because Andrea was the easier sell to everyone else. She was, hands down, the biggest threat to win the game against anyone. I wanted to keep her around because (historically) she was not likely to win FIC, and would be an easy vote off at f4. I knew that, if I was to be a target at 4, I wanted to keep a bigger threat around until that point to save myself. Andrea was a threat to literally everyone, and so she was perfect for that role. You, however, had close allies that would not have turned on you, even at 4! That was threatening to me, that LJ and maybe Tai would have taken you to the end over me. That was my perception: keeping you in over Andrea would make my place in the f3 more shaky. I needed Andrea as my meat shield for f4.

You're right that I didn't stamp my name into this game. The people that did were too big of threats, and got taken out. It's a really hard line to MAKE moves, to PLAY the game, without being an obvious threat like Andrea. I feel like I walked that line, though imperfectly.

As for the anxiety, this is a rough question. I'm never, EVER 100% sure on anything in this game when it comes to tribal. Or really anything at all - I know there are a thousand unknowns in every aspect of this game, as well as life. As an example, when I won FIC, I read Jeff's post saying "Aubry! Wins immunity, and a place in the final 3" 4 times. ALOUD. To make sure I was READING right. That's the person I am - always quadruple checking things, never EVER confident without fact checking. SO, no, I was never confident, never comfortable. Even when I had crunched the numbers a thousand times, read and reread and reread aloud people's IMs, thought about other's motivations/drives/relationships, and checking all the boxes and in the back of my mind KNOWING I'm good. Even if someone from 10 mins in the future came back and told me "Aubry, this vote x will go home." I still would be nervous before tribal. I'm just really neurotic that way! That, I think, is healthy in this game. Being constantly skeptical, thinking about what's best for YOU, thinking about what other people think is best for THEM... it leaves a lot of room for error, and I'm a human capable of miscalculations. But, it gives you the best chance of success, instead of being done in by overconfidence. Oh gosh I'm rambling, the POINT IS that the anxiety was REAL, but even I knew that most of the time it was unfounded. That I knew (at least ROUGHLY) how the vote was going to go, who was with me, who was playing me. But regardless of these certainties, the anxiety at and before tribal would always be there.

[Nick]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:01:44 pm #6905

Hi all :) Great job getting here.

I already know who I'm voting for, so I just have a few things for everyone to think about, if they like.

Aubry: Girl, I love you, but RIP your spreadsheets, I mean...in what universe does Steve go to the end and I don't vote for him? That says to me that you didn't get how close we were, and that this "I knew everything that was going on the whole time!" thing is not really working out.

LJ: nothing for you, babe, which you should not read into. I think you're swell.

And Tai. I have a story for you.

When I was thirteen, I was part of a big forum that was in general a very safe and positive place. There was one girl there, one of the mods, who I could not stand. I thought she was preachy, full of herself, and generally annoying. So me and a few of my friends started this small, password-protected forum whose entire purpose was to talk shit about this girl. We called her names. We made up rumors about her to entertain ourselves. We were brutal, because she was never going to find out, right?

Someone ended up telling her the password, because that's what always happens, so of course she found out. And I was so busy being mad that someone had told her and mad that I was banned from the big forum and just mad about everything that I didn't really think about how she was affected by all of this. And why would I? She wasn't a real person to me. She wasn't someone with a mental illness that I was playing Russian roulette with. She was a cluster of annoying words behind a screen.

And then I found out that because of the things I had said about that girl, she tried to kill herself. And it took THAT, it took someone trying to die because of me, for me to realize that the things I said to and about people on the internet were things that I was saying to and about real people. And since then, the fact that people you cannot see are still people has been really my guiding light for how I talk to people online.

Last year, after the election, I tweeted something that got picked up by 4chan and a couple subreddits and led to me dealing with literally thousands of people in my mentions for the next few days, calling me a bitch, a cunt, sending me death threats, sending me Holocaust memes (my tweet had nothing to do with being Jewish, I just have a traditionally Jewish last name), telling me they hoped I killed myself. And what I thought while that was happening was that the vast majority of these people would not be saying these things if they had to look at me, if they had a concept of me as a real human. Not because they would have agreed with me or liked me any more or anything like that. Just because I am a person and they are people, and it is a lot easier to be cruel from behind a keyboard.

Tai, I'm not saying that the things you said about Nick were in any way on par with what those people said to me. I'm not even saying they were on par with what I said about that girl when I was thirteen. What I am saying, not only to you, but to several members of the jury, and to several people who went out before the jury, is that I don't want someone to have to try to kill themselves before you understand that the things you say online have consequences. They have impact. You could really hurt someone.

I know I'm no saint. Lord knows I made fun of Garrett's last words as much as anyone. But to me, there is a line between insulting someone's gameplay and insulting someone as a person, and it's a line that you crossed. And it's a really, really important line to me.

So what do I do? How do I consider giving my vote to someone who broke a really crucial personal rule for me? I thought about it, and here's my question.

How is somebody in this game's life a little better because they knew you? To counteract the damage you did with the way you talked about Nick, what is a way you talked to someone, anyone, and made their actual life as an actual person a little less shitty than it was before they met you? What is your net positive in this game?

And if you choose to argue with me about any of this instead so help me God.

Aubry and LJ, I'd love to hear your answers to this as well, if you like, but you're in no way obligated.

[LJ]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:05:44 pm #6911 UR OLD








No, but seriously, I think you’re great. As much as I literally hated you as an adversary I think you are a wonderful person and less importantly a very good Survivor player.

I don’t think I made anyone’s LIFE better, but I’d be pretty stoked if I at least made someone’s DAY better at some point. MINUTE better? I don’t know.

I know I was a little FLIPPANT at some points here (I expect to see the ASL sign for flippant on your vote no matter who it is for) but honestly I’m just happy to be here and having a blast. Thanks to Spencer for pulling me up on it though, it was a nice reminder of how important PERCEPTION is.

I guess if nothing else, I always had a positive attitude (ignore my complaining in my confessional or my transcripts with Lindsey) and hopefully that made the HARSH REALITIES of this game a little easier for people.

THANK YOU

[Lindsey]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:08:17 pm #6917

Aubry: On paper, you've played the "best game". You've flipped on many people to get yourself to the end, you've been selfish and selfless at the right times, you've found two idols, you've won challenges. Yet, this isn't a clear sweep, and I hope you prepared yourself for that. My question is-- why did you decide to get me out before Andrea? Do you think your footprint is deep enough for the jury to take notice and respect? While I feel like you possess each quality that's needed to win this game- social, physical, strategic- by being wishy washy and not forcefully planting your name deeply rooted into this game, I think you fall shortsighted on your lack of self-awareness. While I commend the game you played (and the amount of effort and dedication it took to eloquently convince us your game beats the other two in your FTC speech) your current attitude seems overly-confident. During the game, you came off to me as VERY unsure of your gameplay: untrustworthy, nervous, anxious, unaware, and oblivious. Were you purposely acting that way towards me to throw me off course, or were you being genuine with your uneasiness about the votes/majority? Thanks, and good game girl. <3

Thank you so much girl!!! I have prepared for a non-clean sweep, no doubt! I wanted to get you out before Andrea because Andrea was the easier sell to everyone else. She was, hands down, the biggest threat to win the game against anyone. I wanted to keep her around because (historically) she was not likely to win FIC, and would be an easy vote off at f4. I knew that, if I was to be a target at 4, I wanted to keep a bigger threat around until that point to save myself. Andrea was a threat to literally everyone, and so she was perfect for that role. You, however, had close allies that would not have turned on you, even at 4! That was threatening to me, that LJ and maybe Tai would have taken you to the end over me. That was my perception: keeping you in over Andrea would make my place in the f3 more shaky. I needed Andrea as my meat shield for f4.

You're right that I didn't stamp my name into this game. The people that did were too big of threats, and got taken out. It's a really hard line to MAKE moves, to PLAY the game, without being an obvious threat like Andrea. I feel like I walked that line, though imperfectly.

As for the anxiety, this is a rough question. I'm never, EVER 100% sure on anything in this game when it comes to tribal. Or really anything at all - I know there are a thousand unknowns in every aspect of this game, as well as life. As an example, when I won FIC, I read Jeff's post saying "Aubry! Wins immunity, and a place in the final 3" 4 times. ALOUD. To make sure I was READING right. That's the person I am - always quadruple checking things, never EVER confident without fact checking. SO, no, I was never confident, never comfortable. Even when I had crunched the numbers a thousand times, read and reread and reread aloud people's IMs, thought about other's motivations/drives/relationships, and checking all the boxes and in the back of my mind KNOWING I'm good. Even if someone from 10 mins in the future came back and told me "Aubry, this vote x will go home." I still would be nervous before tribal. I'm just really neurotic that way! That, I think, is healthy in this game. Being constantly skeptical, thinking about what's best for YOU, thinking about what other people think is best for THEM... it leaves a lot of room for error, and I'm a human capable of miscalculations. But, it gives you the best chance of success, instead of being done in by overconfidence. Oh gosh I'm rambling, the POINT IS that the anxiety was REAL, but even I knew that most of the time it was unfounded. That I knew (at least ROUGHLY) how the vote was going to go, who was with me, who was playing me. But regardless of these certainties, the anxiety at and before tribal would always be there.

Thanks for that genuine and honest answer. I really appreciate how candidly you explained your neuroses, and truuuust me, I'm the same way and understand 100%. And truuuust me, I'm kicking myself for not playing the idol on myself and overlooking that major misstep. And I agree with you wholeheartedly regarding the sentiment of PLAYING the game and making big moves. I know you at least tried to make moves, like with giving Tai the idol. And I applaud you for that.

Thanks, and good luck!

[Andrea]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:08:51 pm #6919

UR OLD








No, but seriously, I think you’re great. As much as I literally hated you as an adversary I think you are a wonderful person and less importantly a very good Survivor player.

I don’t think I made anyone’s LIFE better, but I’d be pretty stoked if I at least made someone’s DAY better at some point. MINUTE better? I don’t know.

I know I was a little FLIPPANT at some points here (I expect to see the ASL sign for flippant on your vote no matter who it is for) but honestly I’m just happy to be here and having a blast. Thanks to Spencer for pulling me up on it though, it was a nice reminder of how important PERCEPTION is.

I guess if nothing else, I always had a positive attitude (ignore my complaining in my confessional or my transcripts with Lindsey) and hopefully that made the HARSH REALITIES of this game a little easier for people.

THANK YOU

I told you about my health condition when I told NOBODY else until Ponderosa, not even my closest allies. And you were amazing about and made me feel like I could really open up to you. And that made my life better.

[LJ]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:12:08 pm #6922

I told you about my health condition when I told NOBODY else until Ponderosa, not even my closest allies. And you were amazing about and made me feel like I could really open up to you. And that made my life better.

THEN IT WAS ALL WORTHWHILE

(I still want to win though - vote for me everyone.)

[Tai]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:21:21 pm #6943 I am so sorry you had to go through that experience.

Jeez, I really need to work on my speech and emoting skills because.. it is just soooo incredible to me that people would actually think I am trying to bully someone. I don't know what Nick is saying to make it seem like I was talked so poorly to him from our very first tribal, I really hope you guys and go and check it out, I don't think it was that bad at all, yes it was bad, but not to the level you are making it out to be. But how is this different as you guys constantly making fun at Garrett because that was bad. Or when you and Nick were constantly making up lies and ganging up on me during that tribal? How is it that people thought that I was a liar/snake/dishonest person before they knew me? Someone had to talk behind my back right? Seriously the worse thing I have said about Nick was the liar, snake, selfish, shady(this is all in reference of his gameplay, I don't think we had many personal conversations because talking to Nick was actually pretty hard..)

If I crossed that line, I am truly sorry. But I never did anything here to EVER personally attack anyone! Please, I honestly need more examples of when I did more of this personal attacking of someone because this is getting out of hand, I reallllllly don't know where I did wrong and I want to make it right if I can. If I lied or said something wrong, it was strictly for game purposes, and I'll take responsibility for this.


Well, one of the last conversations we had we talked about being in fights with our friends. I hope that us sharing personal stories and having someone there to talk to about it helped you let out some stress. I know Julia is in the cosplay community and we shared stories about it, and how toxic they are, and I hope her talking to me and seeing that she's not the only one to go through it made her feel better. I made such amazing relationships with Lindsey, LJ, Alecia, Aubry, Steve, and even you. I wish I can go back and talk to Spencer, Morgan, Natalie, and heck, even Nick some more because this game wasn't just a game to me, like I didn't mind small talk. This game was my freedom from studying for finals and that involved talking to all of you guys. I feel like this is all a misunderstanding and I wish this wasn't the end of the game so I can try and fix everything.

I am sorry if I hurt you personally.

[Andrea]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:23:06 pm #6949 So you *didn't* make Julia call him a "traitorous fuck," is what you're saying?

[Tai]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:25:59 pm #6958 I did not make her say that.

But Nick was a part of the group that wanted to blindside Julia.. Is she not allowed to call him a traitor after this.

[Nick]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:27:20 pm #6961

I did not make her say that.

But Nick was a part of the group that wanted to blindside Julia.. Is she not allowed to call him a traitor after this.

Let me just ask, and I know it isn't my turn, what motive would she have to call me that, then? This was before the blindside, and I had done nothing to her. Some people had motives though...

[Andrea]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:27:39 pm #6962

I did not make her say that.

But Nick was a part of the group that wanted to blindside Julia.. Is she not allowed to call him a traitor after this.

you really think traitor is the word I'm objecting to, here?

Anyway, I won't draw this out. I'm sure you're a lovely person, and I hope you can think of ways to make the loveliness you have in person shine through more online. Congrats again on making the finals.

[Andrea]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:28:08 pm #6964

I did not make her say that.

But Nick was a part of the group that wanted to blindside Julia.. Is she not allowed to call him a traitor after this.

you really think traitor is the word I'm objecting to, here?

Anyway, I won't draw this out. I'm sure you're a lovely person, and I hope you can think of ways to make the loveliness you have in person shine through more online. Congrats again on making the finals.

Although I will add that you did what I explicitly said NOT to do, and argued with me, rather than answering my question, but...hey, it's your tribal.

[Tai]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:30:36 pm #6970 This vote was THE blindside vote for Julia... this wasn't before, if you were her trusted ally, wouldn't you have done the same as me to protect her if you knew about that plan to take out your ally? I know that's what I did. Julia's word choices are her own words, I did not go into the computer or move her fingers to type that.

[Aubry]

- Sun May 21, 2017 11:31:21 pm #6972

Hi all :) Great job getting here.

I already know who I'm voting for, so I just have a few things for everyone to think about, if they like.

Aubry: Girl, I love you, but RIP your spreadsheets, I mean...in what universe does Steve go to the end and I don't vote for him? That says to me that you didn't get how close we were, and that this "I knew everything that was going on the whole time!" thing is not really working out.

LJ: nothing for you, babe, which you should not read into. I think you're swell.

And Tai. I have a story for you.

When I was thirteen, I was part of a big forum that was in general a very safe and positive place. There was one girl there, one of the mods, who I could not stand. I thought she was preachy, full of herself, and generally annoying. So me and a few of my friends started this small, password-protected forum whose entire purpose was to talk shit about this girl. We called her names. We made up rumors about her to entertain ourselves. We were brutal, because she was never going to find out, right?

Someone ended up telling her the password, because that's what always happens, so of course she found out. And I was so busy being mad that someone had told her and mad that I was banned from the big forum and just mad about everything that I didn't really think about how she was affected by all of this. And why would I? She wasn't a real person to me. She wasn't someone with a mental illness that I was playing Russian roulette with. She was a cluster of annoying words behind a screen.

And then I found out that because of the things I had said about that girl, she tried to kill herself. And it took THAT, it took someone trying to die because of me, for me to realize that the things I said to and about people on the internet were things that I was saying to and about real people. And since then, the fact that people you cannot see are still people has been really my guiding light for how I talk to people online.

Last year, after the election, I tweeted something that got picked up by 4chan and a couple subreddits and led to me dealing with literally thousands of people in my mentions for the next few days, calling me a bitch, a cunt, sending me death threats, sending me Holocaust memes (my tweet had nothing to do with being Jewish, I just have a traditionally Jewish last name), telling me they hoped I killed myself. And what I thought while that was happening was that the vast majority of these people would not be saying these things if they had to look at me, if they had a concept of me as a real human. Not because they would have agreed with me or liked me any more or anything like that. Just because I am a person and they are people, and it is a lot easier to be cruel from behind a keyboard.

Tai, I'm not saying that the things you said about Nick were in any way on par with what those people said to me. I'm not even saying they were on par with what I said about that girl when I was thirteen. What I am saying, not only to you, but to several members of the jury, and to several people who went out before the jury, is that I don't want someone to have to try to kill themselves before you understand that the things you say online have consequences. They have impact. You could really hurt someone.

I know I'm no saint. Lord knows I made fun of Garrett's last words as much as anyone. But to me, there is a line between insulting someone's gameplay and insulting someone as a person, and it's a line that you crossed. And it's a really, really important line to me.

So what do I do? How do I consider giving my vote to someone who broke a really crucial personal rule for me? I thought about it, and here's my question.

How is somebody in this game's life a little better because they knew you? To counteract the damage you did with the way you talked about Nick, what is a way you talked to someone, anyone, and made their actual life as an actual person a little less shitty than it was before they met you? What is your net positive in this game?

And if you choose to argue with me about any of this instead so help me God.

Aubry and LJ, I'd love to hear your answers to this as well, if you like, but you're in no way obligated.

A. Honestly, I thought you'd vote for me over Steve in a f3, and I was pandering to Natalie for her to not vote us out at f5 and f4 so I attributed your vote to her where I could there. For sure this could be seen as a strike for me in the "Aubry isn't perceptive" camp, but I think that's more a testament to both you and Steve. You made me feel like I was your one and only in this game - your social game was awe-inspiring tbh. If you weren't an obvious threat I would have happily sat next to you at the end. And, Steve told me how he was WORRIED because you had said how close you and I were. I don't have facial cues, voices, body language to work off of - based on those words and your words, I thought we were in a TIGHT partnership that was tighter than yours with Steve. I think that's a fair perception based on what I was given - I definitely didn't know everything! I don't think anybody can truly know everything, but I made an effort to get as much info as I could by picking up how people talk about each other, and forming close partnerships with as many people as I could rationalize. Every move I made was calculated based on that information.

B. Thank you so much for sharing this, truly. I don't want to risk sounding cliche or preachy, so I'll leave that at that.

C. God. I really really REALLY want to keep the friendships I made in this game and make them long-term. I've gotten to know some of this cast really well (as much as you can without knowing names or anything), and as much joy I've gotten within those friendships, I hope I've returned to those people. I'm sorry this sounds lame, but I really mean it. LJ and I talked about how many KIDS we want. Julia and I talked about stuff in our pasts. You and I dipped our toes into the kiddie pool of deep conversations. I can't pretend to know what my friendship has done for others, and can only assume and hope that my feelings and "less shittiness" that they gave to me by knowing them are reciprocated. Love you <3