- Mon May 15, 2017 10:03:01 pm
#4813
Jeff Probst wrote: ↑Mon May 15, 2017 9:46:29 pm
LOVED having you in this game. I think you may have just earned Legend status this season. You were a star and you made it so much deeper than I would have thought. Almost survived tonight even! Kudos.
What did you learn about yourself? How did you like the game? What did you learn about Survivor? What do you regret if anything? How would you play differently? Would you do another season?
Thank you so extremely very much. I know we disagree on a lot of things, but...damn, sir, you can host a great game. And kudos for casting someone you disagree with so fundamentally. I don't know if I could do it in your shoes, honestly.
I had no idea I would be this good at this game.
I've only played two survivor games before, on epicmafia. I placed 8th my first time and won my second, but I didn't feel like I really deserved it. I won by one vote, and honestly I think the guy I brought with me should have won it...so I didn't go in here feeling very confident about my ability to play. And I really didn't think I'd be able to lie to people. I still don't know if I'd be able to do it if I had to look them in their little faces, but...I convinced a lot of people of a lot of things over the course of this game.
i did a fucking good job. I should have gone out at the Morgan vote, and I didn't. And that's awesome.
My dream is to be on the show, but I don't think I can because of my health. I mentioned it on my application--and weirdly only told LJ, in the game--but I have this disease called ankylosing spondylitis that means the bones in my spine are slowly fusing together to become one bone. It's autoimmune, so I have to take a lot of meds, like chemotherapy and biologics, that hold down my immune system, so I think my chances of getting on the show are probably zip. If I was to get some kind of infection? It's too much of a liability. So I knew that this was the closest I was going to get, and that most people only get to play Stranded once (though of COURSE I would come back, are you kidding? Build a Redemption Island right now! Let me in tomorrow!)
I also have some mental health issues that I won't go into in detail because who cares, but honestly...as stressful as this show was, it was incredibly therapeutic. People LIKED me. People who didn't have to like me. Look how happy the jury is to see me! Look how they were all saying they were gonna vote for me! And they liked the real me, too. Not some person I put on for this game. Me.
So like, holy shit. I might not actually be as terrible as the little voice inside of me is always telling me I am.
There's no million dollars. I said that a million times.
Not hating myself for the first time in a long time...I'm gonna call that winning.
